Soon I will be dead… apparently

I realize that I’m no spring chicken. It’s fair to say that I’m past the point of summer game hen. Yes, I’m about to turn 40 and I look every day of it. But could the AARP hold off for maybe another year or two before their skeletal death’s-head looms ominously behind me? First this, now this:

If this had arrived 22 years ago it might have made sense 

I’m sure the company is offering a useful product for the kind of people that would buy insurance based on a junk mail solicitation (though the scare quotes around “FREE” do give one pause). The copy’s a mite bland, though. Let’s punch it up a little for today’s modern, “with-it” geriatric set.

When you inevitably die–and at your age, it’s gonna be sooner rather than later–properly disposing of your empty, withered husk won’t come cheap. Don’t let crippling funeral debt foster bitter, post-mortem resentment in those left behind! We’ll take care of paying ruinous sums to the corrupt and exploitative funeral industry, leaving your family free to deal with the deep emotional scars that are the sole legacy of your angry, joyless life.

This is a “FREE” service to you.

Actually, now that you put it that way… SOLD!

2 Responses to “Soon I will be dead… apparently”

  1. JimmyJames S B Says:

    All this talk of your imminent death is getting me excited!

  2. Carla Says:

    When Jaime started getting AARP stuff is when we realized her credit card number had been compromised. On the bright side, whoever did it went ahead and bought her a membership along with a year supply of imported green tea from China that was actually shipped to our house.

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