The first rule of the Weekend Roundup is, you don’t talk about the Weekend Roundup
The second rule of the Weekend Roundup is, you don’t talk about the Weekend Roundup. Yeah, I did watch Fight Club a few days ago. How’d you know?
And so we come to another weekend’s worth of laundry-folding, house-cleaning, breakfast-eating, nonstop-activity-enjoying adventure. More of the same, really. When you think about it, we do pretty much the same stuff every single weekend, and this weekend pretty much fit the mold we have so painstakingly crafted for it. Pretty much, anyway; there were, of course, a few exceptions. To show you what I mean, I’ll list the stuff we do every single weekend, then alert you to any deviations from the norm.
Let’s begin.
On a typical Friday night, we eat dinner and then watch a movie with Tom.
I guess we have already deviated from this pattern a little, as Tom was not involved in Friday’s festivities. He decided not to join us for dinner, etc., just because he had a date. Pfft. Whatever, loser. And now that I think of it, we didn’t watch some lame movie from Netflix, either. We ate dinner–in fact, a dinner that Shannon cooked (I know! Can you believe it?!)–and then we drove across town to get some ice cream from the Cold Stone Creamery at Zona Rosa. There are other ice cream places nearer to our humble abode. Their ice cream is just as good and as a bonus, they’re not staffed with apathetic teenagers who are compelled to half-heartedly sing ice cream-related songs while they’re working. But, we had a coupon that expired that day so we thought we’d go ahead and drive over there. (Never mind that the cost of the gas to get over there probably negated any savings from the coupon.) And also, the kid who rang us up didn’t know how to handle a coupon, so he just left it off altogether, meaning we saved absolutely nothing.
(Yes, I went back in with the receipt and had a responsible adult refigure the total.)
As soon as I pried Shannon away from the many shops and clothing stores at Zona Rosa, we rushed home so that Steven and I could grab sleeping bags and pillows and air mattresses and then go pick up Tom. See, Friday was the night of the yearly Steven and Dad and Tom Stay Overnight at the Church Fireworks Stand Thingy Event. They need someone to stay there every night to make sure nothing untoward happens, and the three of us have volunteered to do so on a Friday night every year. And we don’t really do anything, to be honest… especially Friday night, when we showed up 45 minutes late (prying Shannon away from Zona Rosa proved to be harder than expected). We show up, they close everything down, we blow up our air mattresses and go to sleep for the rest of the night. Nothing has ever happened. That we know of. The three of us sleep pretty hard, so who knows who might’ve busted in to abscond with some roman candles and bottle rockets. If they did, they were nice enough to keep quiet about it.
There was one small worry, though… we showed up in the middle of a huge thunderstorm, with abundant lightning cracking the sky. Let’s see, we’re surrounded by explosives, during a lightning storm, in an enclosed space held up by tall metal poles. What could possibly go wrong?
Okay, I admit it. Friday we didn’t stick to the pattern at all. Saturday was a different story, though. Mostly.
On Saturday morning, we typically eat breakfast out somewhere, then come back to the house to do laundry and to perform other miscellaneous domestic tasks.
When the fireworks volunteers showed up to relieve us–and what a relief, it was a crazy, hectic night of sleep–the three of us headed to Cracker Barrel. Shannon and Maya met us there for a hearty, country-style breakfast. This is also kind of a traditional thing. Night of sleeping in a dirty fireworks tent, then a big breakfast featuring gravy (all good breakfasts feature gravy), as well as multiple kinds of smoked and/or cured breakfast meats (all pork-based, natch). And of course, an ol’-fashioned game of checkers.
After that, it was a typical Saturday. A trip to Wal-Mart (BOO!) to purchase assorted items that were most likely unnecessary. (An inflatable boat? Really?)
On Saturday night, Shannon goes to work/church and the rest of us amuse ourselves.
Then, as Shannon headed off to work/church, the rest of us decided to enjoy ourselves (oh, snap!) by heading to the country home of our friends Steve and Carla. Steve, Carla, Shannon, and I lead a small group at church, and they invited all the members of the group out to their house for swimming, bocce ball, and much, much food.
The most memorable moment of the evening came when one of Steve and Carla’s dogs…
- got amorous
- got confused
- tried to mount one of their cats
Look away, children! An educational moment for all.
Shannon eventually joined us, and proceeded to steal multitudinous pounds of green beans from Steve and Carla’s ample garden.
Mmmmm… green beans.
The kids got a kick out of picking the green beans, and cannot wait to cook ‘em up and chow down. This, from two kids who won’t touch green beans any other time.
As the sun went down, we blew up stuff! (Fireworks, that is.)
And the kids had wagon rides!
Then, it was home for hurried, late baths and bed.
On Sunday, the rest of us go to church, then return home to vacuum the house and fold more laundry; also I write this thing.
Same ol’, same ol’, here. Shannon took Steven and his friend David to work at the church fireworks stand. (Man, that place just takes over our lives this time of year.)
The hard-working boys came back with a load of city-friendly fireworks. None of those M-80s and stuff here in the city, not like the mortar shells we were a-splodin’ at Steve and Carla’s place.
While they were off doing their patriotic duty, Maya and I hung around at the house waiting for an inspector from the roofing company to show up and inspect our new roof. (Did I tell you we got a new roof after the big storm a few weeks ago? Well, we did.) An hour-and-a-half after he was supposed to be here, I finally called him to see what was the haps. He said he came by, saw that no one was there, and so he went ahead and did the inspection, leaving the papers in the mailbox. Hmm… odd, because we had been here the whole time, but whatever. I went out to check the mailbox: nothing. And that’s when I realized that this guy had made the same mistake that everyone makes when they come to the house the first time: he inspected a house on the next street up. See, you turn onto our street off the main drag there, and it kind of winds around until it becomes another street, and you have to turn a couple of times to get back to our street. But if you don’t know that–because the city did not see fit to mark it in any way–you end up at a house that has our house number but does not have us. (One time, a cable guy showed up and actually started ripping out cable before he realized he was at the wrong house.) So we had to reschedule. Grr.
So you see, with some notable exceptions, we are creatures of habit here in the Horn household. Nothing too out-of-the-ordinary. No big changes to upset the apple cart, and that’s the way I like it! I like consistency, and I like routine!
Wait a minute… I’m resistant to change, I’m balding, my hair is turning gray, I complain when the teenager at the register doesn’t honor a coupon… I AM AN OLD MAN.
Minimalist Weekend Roundup
Pizza and gelato were devoured in the company of friends.
Children were watched by a babysitter.
The next, day bushes were trimmed.
A lawn was mowed.
Pools were swimmed in.
A library was visited.
Puberty was reached.
A Will Ferrell movie was very mildly enjoyed.
Laundry was folded.
Dust was wiped off of furniture.
Sleep was achieved.
A lame Weekend Roundup was crapped out.
Cheesesteaks, Ben Franklin, and nothing else worthwhile: My trip to Philadelphia
Finally, two weeks after the trip, I am posting some photos and some memories of my business trip to Philadelphia. Two colleagues and I were traveling together, and… why, here are they are now: Sarah and Gayla, fellow tech writers who inexplicably dress alike.
The three of us (and a couple thousand other tech writers) were journeying to Philly for this thing:
(Incidentally, that guy at the bottom was later bored to tears by the presentation Sarah and Gayla and I gave at the conference.)
But enough about biz-nis. The real reason you go on these business trips is so you can go sight-seeing in The Big City! For example, just look at the view from my hotel room!
Gorgeous! And the other side of the hotel had this inspiring view:
Okay, the skyline wasn’t totally retch-inducing. For example, City Hall was pretty nice.
(That’s William Penn atop that spire, not, as I assumed, Ben Franklin. Pfft. Whatever. Some old dead guy, what’s the diff.) Here’s another view.
And this was kind of nice, I guess?
And this big sculpture of ceramic bowls and cups at the convention center was kind of cool.
But for the most part, Philly was not too impressive architecturally. Fairly dirty, too. And it smelled kind of funny, and not ha-ha funny, either. It was muggy and also it was kind of hot. (The women of Philadelphia, however, were not. In fact, I kind of coined a new term: “Philadelphia hot.” It describes a female who might be considered pretty hot in Philadelphia but wouldn’t merit a second glance outside the city limits.)
Okay, I’m rambling. What about the food? The food was mostly pretty good, actually. We ate often at a giant public market across from the convention center, the Reading Terminal Market.
Inside the Reading Terminal Market, I finally got an authentic taste of the tasty treat for which Philadelphia is known: the cheesesteak. I procured a cheesesteak from this establishment, which is apparently well-known or whatever: Rick’s Philly Steaks.
Every cheesesteak place in Philly proclaims that it’s the original and the best and the most famous and all that, but I can’t speak to that. I will say this: while the cheesesteak was pretty tasty, the Cheez Whiz-covered oniony meat wasn’t much to look at.
Umm… yum?
We were able to explore the city a little and try some local places that we had never heard of, including this, well, nondescript place where we ate our first night.
The next night, after a terrifying taxi ride with a rude driver who refused to let us out of the cab until we practically begged him to release us, we found ourselves on South Street, a row of quirky, eclectic shops and eateries.
We basically stumbled on Bridget Foy’s, a little place with great food and a wait-staff that was, well, not nice really, but maybe less rude than every other person we encountered in Philly.
As we made our way up South Street, it started to turn sketchy. The “quirky, eclectic shops and eateries” gave way to pawn shops and adult video stores, so we grabbed a cab and high-tailed it back to the hotel.
But of course, Philadelphia is about more than disgusting sandwiches and loud, fat, rude, chain-smoking ugly people. There’s also history! They got American history out the ying-yang and up the wazoo in Philadelphia. Oh, the history! You can’t go to Philly without taking in the Liberty Bell, right? So on Tuesday afternoon we took another cab ride to the historic district with a rude, angry driver (noticing a pattern here?) who booted us out in the middle of the street. Of course, the Liberty Bell had just closed for the day at 4:45. Of course it closes at 4:45! Why wouldn’t it? Still, we got to see Independence Hall. That’s got to count for something, right?
Nice statue of George Washington in front, there, I guess.
I tried to cross the street and stand on the curb to get a close-up of the pedestal, but some rent-a-cop screamed at me to go back across the street. It was this guy:
Please note that there was NO signage displayed stating that you could not stand on the curb to take a picture. Yes, there were chains and stuff, but at other times I saw plenty of tourist-types milling about behind those chains. So if you know that guy, tell him Price said he stinks, and his whole stinking city stinks. I’m not scared because he has no idea who I am.
The next, we made it back over to the historic district before the Liberty Bell close so we could finally take a gander at that historic icon, that paragon of American patriotic symbology, that bell a with a big crack in it.
And no, I don’t know what “Pass and Stow” mean, either, and I’m not going to Google it, so don’t ask.
It was very difficult to get a shot of just the Liberty Bell, as dozens of tourists were constantly stepping in front of it to get their pictures taken in front of it. Like this guy, for instance.
I also mailed the kids a postcard from the post office where Ben Franklin worked or slept or visited or something.
(The card arrived a few days after I got back, and the kids were remarkably ambivalent about it.)
It was on our jaunts around the city that we encountered a couple of the bizarre and famous Toynbee Tiles, which are found all over the world (including KC) but which apparently got their start in Philadelphia.
And with that example of disturbed, obsessive lunacy, our trip to Philadelphia was at an end. We rushed to make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare, only to find out that sever weather over the Midwest had delayed the arrival of our plane. Thus, eager to leave that foul city, we were all stuck there for another five hours. Thanks, uncaring universe!
Thankfully, a little Yorkie-mix dog named Kit was there to entertain us with tricks and overall cuteness.
Finally our plane arrived, and we all dashed down the jetway as if our lives depended on it. Because no one leaves Philadelphia… they escape it.
When ya comin’ home, Dad, I don’t know when, we’ll do a Weekend Roundup then
The bittersweet sounds of Harry Chapin never fail to elicit emotion on this, the holiest day of the year for dudes who have managed to knock up some lady. Yes, it’s Father’s Day Weekend, and the Horn family celebrated All Things Price by basically doing the same stuff we always do, but dressing it up with the “Father’s Day” moniker. Let’s go out for a Father’s Day Breakfast! Time to fold the Father’s Day Towels! Let’s take Maya to her Father’s Day Doctor’s Appointment! Et cetera.
Which is not to say that I didn’t enjoy any of it. I did, in fact. It was a pretty darn good weekend. It began on Friday night, with a little dinner-and-Wii get-together (”Father’s Day Dinner-and-Wii Get-Together!”) at our house with many compadres, including…
Tom (no surprise there)…
Teenage-type Kayla…
Her Mom, Crisanne (shown here with a photo-hogging Maya and the Crow’s little boy Eli)…
And of course, the Crows, represented here by the family’s most insane member, Jon:
Jon’s lunacy alternately terrified and entertained the kiddies:
Of course, we have our own brand of crazy here in the Horn household:
My particular kind of crazy is the intensely creepy, brooding type.
After everyone cleared out and we were able to get the kids to sleep (the memory of that Crazy Crow Man was fresh in their minds, so it was quite a job), Shannon and Tom and I sat down to watch the mid-season finale of Battlestar Galactica. And lemme say… ho-lee crap. What an episode! I totally did not see that ending coming, though when they SPOILER ALERT finally reached Earth and there were still 10 minutes left in the episode, I should have figured something was up. Hey, Sci Fi Channel, you people need to get up off your collective buttocks and get those last 10 episodes on the air, or I will complain ineffectually, don’t think I won’t!
Okay, anyway, on to Saturday, which found us taking Maya to the doctor to have her sinus problem looked at (her Father’s Day Sinus Problem!), and then we hoofed it over to Mimi’s Cafe for a little breakfast out. Then it was home for the weekly lawnmowing session and a nap. Other than the trip to the doctor, that was all pretty much par for the course, Saturday-wise.
Saturday evening, however, it MY TIME. We had to do WHATEVER I WANTED. And by gum, I wanted a hamburger. I could have had anything from exotic Thai food to spicy Indian food, but no, I wanted a good old-fashioned hamburger and fries, so we ended up at the Red Robin in Liberty. Not too shabby, plus they serve adult beverages, so that always helps. And we tore those burgers up, too. Didn’t hurt that it was like 8:30 at night, so we were pretty ravenous.
Afterward, we browsed the aisles of Vintage Stock, a comics-video game-record store place, and then I suggested we get some sweet, sweet frozen custard from Sheridan’s. Great idea, right? And everyone was up for it. But then we stumbled on a bizarre, almost Fortean bit of scientific phenomena: the Liberty Sheridan’s is staffed with the slowest human beings on the face of the earth. It’s like time moves at a different rate within that location; physicists should descend upon it and study the strange laws of space-time that apply within that purveyor of sweet treats. It’s not a Sheridan’s thing, because the Barry Road Sheridan’s, only 10 minutes away, is exactly the opposite: they’re so fast that they hand you your order before you even order it. But while the custard was delicious, the fact that we had to wait 40 minutes in the drive-thru when there were only five cars in front of us was a little ridiculous.
Oh well, enough of that. On to Father’s Day (Father’s Day Father’s Day!)! And a decent Father’s Day it was, too. Steven and I got to go see the latest Indiana Jones movie (maybe not the best of the series, but a fun ride and worth seeing) and meander around a bookstore.
Then, at home, we ate a fine dinner of chicken kabobs with homemade key lime pie for dessert. Then, it was Shower Dad with Gifts Time, during which I received:
- a three-month membership to a nearby fitness center (is that a hint?)
- a T-shirt with my favorite saying on it (”meh.”)
- and the greatest gift… Up Till Now, the autobiography of William Shatner
And then for some reason I wasted a bunch of time typing all this stuff up rather than spending time with family. Well, it’s Father’s Day and I can do whatever I want, right? Right?! And if I want to spend it doing horrible Photoshop pictures and writing mediocre prose, so be it. I’m the Daddy, and for the next couple of hours, I am free to live as I want. Let my hair hang down! Run naked and free through the neighborhood! Well, I probably won’t do either of those things, as I have no hair and I’m pretty sure I could go to jail for that other thing. I guess maybe I’ll lie in bed and read a book? As long as it’s okay with Shannon, maybe.
But soft! What light through yonder Weekend Roundup breaks
I’m back, baby! That’s right, after spending an exhausting week in Philadelphia–America’s horribly misnamed City of Brotherly Love–I have returned to underwhelm you with tales of a remarkably unremarkable weekend! Let’s get on it, yo!
Friday, after I spent the day off work doing pretty much nothing except recovering from my trip to Philadelphia (expect a post later this week), we headed to the homestead of our friends Kit and Brad for a cookout and all that. They had rented one of those big inflatable bounce-house things for their daughter’s birthday party on Saturday, and so they invited everyone from their church small group (including us, natch) over to enjoy seared animal flesh, imbibe adult beverages, and let the kids bounce until they puked. The best part? None of the kids actually puked. Not while we were there, anyway.
Now, here’s some great pics of the event:
Well, okay, here’s the thing… Shannon actually brought the camera to the party, but when we got there she realized that someone* had taken the SD card out and had forgotten to put it back in. No memory card = no pictures. You’ll just have to make do with this artist’s representation.
Poor Shannon… a little wine in her and she’s out cold.
But we do have some photos of the next day. Saturday, that is, when we were jonesing for some fresh produce and thus compelled our friends the Crows to join us on a trip to the City Market.
Note that the two Horns in the picture look remarkably ambivalent about the whole affair. Liam, however, could not have been more excited.
The market was hopping Saturday morning, and it was an ordeal just hauling the strollers and a wagon through the pressing crowds to get to the vendors selling fresh fruit and vegetables and other such greenery. Eventually, the jostling and the madness took their toll on the Crows, and they beat a hasty exit. The Horns, however, pressed on.
We saw five-week-old calves from the hometown favorite Shatto Dairy…
…the kids rode a train, of sorts…
…and Maya rode a pony in an endless circle, as her father struggled to keep up.
Oh, and also we bought a lot of fruit and whatnot.
So then it was home, for a brief nap and the Ceremonial Trimming of the Lawn Grass with Mower.
That was pretty much the weekend. Yeah, all the regular weekend activities were in there: laundry, church, housecleaning, whining about having to go to work on Monday. But no one cares about those. Heck, no one cares about any of this stuff, but that hasn’t stopped me from wasting my time writing about it, and that hasn’t stopped you from wasting your time reading it. So now that we’ve all wasted everyone’s time communicating this pointless ephemera, why don’t we all just go lie down and take a nap, and when we wake up maybe the sun will break through the clouds and for a brief shining moment it will all seem worthwhile.
I wouldn’t hold my breath, though.
* Yes, me.
You Don’t Need No Stinking Weekend Round Up!
Who do you think I am? Price.
Huh, huh. Well do ya?
Like I got time to update you people on our weekend. I’m busy. I’ve got kids to chase and chick flicks to watch and cookie dough to consume.
Okay, I know I’m not as good with the funny as Mr. Horn.
Priceman has left on a jet plane. He is in the great city of Philadelphia. He is trying to re-enact the scavenger hunt from the legendary movie National Treasure. Okay not really. He is out there attending a technical writing conference (STC). He is also presenting at the conference. Sounds like he and his co-workers are having fun eating philly cheesesteak sandwiches and learning good stuff.
As for the weekend, it began with Price and I both taking the day off work. Both of the kids were out of school so we skipped out too! Price whipped up a feast for breakfasts complete with eggs, bacon and yummy pancakes. Price got to work out and I ran some exciting errands to the bank and the Missouri Department of Revenue to get our plates renewed where I waited for 45 minutes to do so. Why did I wait until the end of the month? Why? Well at least I got to enjoy a nice Vanilla Latte while I waited.
After the errands, we surprised the kids with a trip to the pool. They had a great time in the ICE COLD water! Price and I took a lot longer to gain the courage to jump in. I was the last and finally I decided to just head down the water slide and get it over with. Of course I come up out of the water only to see my family departing the cold water. We spent a few hours there and then headed home. Priceman cut the grass which was growing like a jungle thanks to all the rain. I packed our suitcases and got ready.
You see Price and I were heading to a Generous Giving retreat. We had been invited by a couple we love and respect from North Heartland. They paid for us to attend. We weren’t sure what to expect. We got there and were amazed at our wonderful room and the terrificly tasty dinner. After dinner, the first session began. It was a transformational moment. This retreat wasn’t about “give more money” or “will you make a pledge.” It was simply about asking you to take a look at your heart when it comes to your “stuff” and money. I can’t explain it all here but for me the retreat challenged me on many levels. Saturday morning, we got up and enjoyed breakfast and then another session (with a break which included hot yummy cinnamon rolls). Then around 12:30 we headed home.
The kids were entertained by our friends, Austin & Alison. The kids had a great time with them where they cooked and baked and enjoyed running around and entertaining someone besides us.
After we got back home, we took another trip to our swimming pool. We had great fun. Then it was off to work for me. We were making quite a few changes this week for services so I needed to get there and get everything ready. After work, I came home and we enjoyed yummy leftovers. Then it was time to get daddy ready for his trip.
Maya has decided that sleeping is overrated. She has developed a bad sleeping pattern of not going to sleep until 10:30 pm(this particular night it was 11:15) and then waking up in the night with bad dreams and wanting someone to sleep with her. So Priceman and I have been very sleepy as of late. Send any suggestions our way to help the wee princess enjoy the beauty of a good night’s sleep!
Price and I finally had the chance to watch the next to the last Battlestar Galatica for the season. Why must this show taunt me? Why can’t they just tell me who the final cylon is? Come on!
Sunday morning came to early and it was time to head to church. Right after the service we took Priceman to the airport:(
Then it was back to church to grab my stuff and head home for a little pizza party with some gals from NHCC who I share a small group with. Around 3 ish they all left and Maya and I laid down for our nap. After nap, I decided to do something I normally would NOT do. I willingly offered and surprised the kids with a trip to McDonalds. After eating their happy meals, I let them jump around in the playland for at least 45 minutes. They were the only kids in there so it was much more reasonable (usually the loud screaming and smell of dirty socks makes me crazy).
Then we grabbed some treats and headed home for a “movie” night (where we watch cartoons for 30 minutes) and a “camp out” in the living room. I finally got them to fall asleep at 10:15 pm (maybe the ice cream and soda were too much, eh?).
Well that was our weekend and now we are enjoying week 1 of Summer. Today after work and their summer fun programs, we headed to the pool once again. Now we are preparing for yet another “movie”night. So on that note, good night to all and to all a good night.
Daddy if you are reading this, have fun and come home soon. We miss you!