Weekend Roundup: The Speed Round
I spend way too much time on these things every weekend, sitting down late on each night to try to put down my thoughts and trying to summarize the events of the day in a clever way. After I’m done writing it on Sundays, I usually spend a lot of time proofreading it and making adjustments here and there, and still mistakes sneak though. And it’s already Sunday, and for a lot of reasons I haven’t written anything all weekend, so I’m kind of under a time crunch. I’ve got to get this thing written and out the door, and quick. So I’m giving myself 30 minutes to get the whole thing done. I’ve even got a timer sitting right here, and it’s already down to 27 minutes. Let’s get moving on this thing! No edits, no proofreading unless I see it as I’m typing. Move it okay let’s go!
The Biolizard 2 and the Mechacaduca
This is the Biolizard 2. It is the third ultimate life form, after the orginal Biolizard (sonic the hedgehog:project shadow) and Shadow the Hedgehog (sonic the hedgehog:project shadow). The solar powered pole on its back transports solar energy through the life support system, into the pipes, and is then stored in the sun cannon on its forehead.
This is the Mechacaduca. The switch on top of it can be swiched to different modes witch adjust speed and defense.
Insert humorous Weekend Roundup title here, probably a reference to some stupid 80s song
No one cares about this beginning part. It’s just a bunch of introductory text that kills time. It’s like a giant dish of appetizers that you fill up on and then when the main course arrives at the table, you’re not hungry. You just kind of pick at it, eat a few bites here and there, then you get a to-go box and take it home and leave it in the refrigerator and forget about until two weeks later you find it and it’s all slimy and disgusting and it smells like garbage and disappointment. That’s exactly what this introduction is like, and that’s why I just don’t want to write one this week. I mean, what would be the point, after I spent all this time talking about how useless it is? Exactly. So that’s why I’m not writing an introduction this week. It’s redundant and useless and redundant. So no introduction this week. I’m serious. So don’t even ask about it. Maybe I’ll write one next week, if you ask nicely. But not this week. Got it? Good.
Steven’s Space Project
Finally, after two weeks of work, it’s done! A K’Nex model of the International Space Station, motorized and everything!
And a video demonstration…
Weekend Roundups… We don’t need that scum!
Many thanks to Steven for the Star Wars-related title. (Bonus points if you can nail down the reference.) He’s in the midst of one of his periodic Star Wars jags, playing Star Wars video games, reading Star Wars books, and the like. So I humored him and let him title the thing. Now hands off, buddy! The rest of it is mine, all mine!
But I’m getting a little tired of the same format, week in and week out. This time, let’s try something different… How about running down the highlights of the weekend by spelling out W-E-E-K-E-N-D R-O-U-N-D-U-P. Sure, why not?
You don’t have to be crazy to ride the bus, but apparently it’s encouraged
As I’ve mentioned before, I ride the bus back and forth to work every day. Sure, it has its disadvantages: you lose a lot of flexibility because you’re dependent on the bus’s schedule, not your own; you have to wait for the bus out in the elements, with the snow and the rain and the sleet and the locusts and the waters turning to blood, hey hey hey; and also when you ride the bus you kind of look like a loser. And that’s something I don’t need help with, thank you very much. But let’s be honest… the bus has got a lot going for it, too. Don’t worry about traffic! Read! Take a nap! Listen to your iPod! Or better yet, watch the mentally ill guy yelling at phantoms that only he can see!
Ah, the crazy bus riders. What is it about public transportation that attracts lunatics? At any given time, there are almost as many clinically insane people on Kansas City buses as there are on Ron Paul’s campaign staff. Now, the bus that I usually ride is typically low-volume and therefore relatively nutcase-free, but I occasionally ride bus routes that are more crowded. And invariably, there’s someone putting on a full-on loony show.
One time I sat behind an elderly black man who, for the entire 20 minutes it took to get to my destination, yelled non-sequiturs that for all the world sounded like lines from random movies. Such as…
- Did you hear? She put her children in the dryer!
- I have always told my son, consider it a gentleman’s agreement. (delivered with a flawless British accent)
- My God, there are two of them!
And so on.
This morning, there was a north-of-middle-age, balding white guy wearing rings on every finger, multiple gold chains about his neck, and a ball cap turned sideways. (Basically, picture character actor George Wyner trying to dress like Flavor Flav). When I boarded the bus, he was already badgering a young guy across the aisle, which he continued to do for the remainder of the trip (much to the young guy’s dismay). A few nuggets of his one-sided delirium, which consisted mostly of kind-of-true, definitely random factoids:
- What does “news” stand for? North East South West, that’s what the news is all about. North South East West.
- What does ”Bible” stand for? Basic Information Before Leaving Earth. That’s what it stands for.
- What does Arby’s stand for? America’s Roast Beef Yes Sir. (he played this little acronym game for quite a while)
- Which numbers are the same upside down? 69 and 96! See, they’re the same when you turn them upside down.
- George Bush. George W. Bush. George Walker Bush. George Walker Bush.
- Which letters are the same upside down? M and W. See the M is a W upside down and W is M.
- One time I was talking to this lady and she tried to tell me that a Z upside-down is an N. That’s crazy! (he should know)
He also held forth on a number of other subjects, including:
- the Roman calendar
- the number of days left until various dates
- Jesus’ real birthday (April 6)
- how to reprogram bus computers
- what various street signs say when you read them backwards
Just try to get that kind of information while commuting alone during rush hour.
So if there’s a bus route where you live, try it out. The Bus: It’s A Non-Stop Cavalcade of Crazy!™
A Cooking Inspiration
Guess what? I’ve decided to start cooking with Dad! I want to be a great chef like him. Then I can cook BBQ, cook Chinese, and cook electrifying deserts. I’ll be admired! Maybe I will teach my kids the same tricks he’s teaching me.
This cooking skill will benefit me greatly. Me and Dad have decided we would like to use a cubesteak recipe we saw on Good Eats to use later this week. So until next time, happy cooking!
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find it, maybe you can hire the Weekend Roundup
Okay, I know that last week’s Weekend Roundup was a little short on, well, everything. I guess I could have written about the 48-hour stretch of dullness that was last weekend, but when the time came around to sit down and bang out a bunch of words about it, I just wasn’t feelin’ it. I just didn’t have it in me. Tell you what, I’ll gladly refund your Kansas City Horns subscription fees for this month. Just send me your credit card number, along with the expiration date, billing address, and also those three numbers on the back of the card too, and while you’re at it I’ll need your SSN and how about a stool sample, why not?
Okay, fine, enough of this. On with the kind of Weekend Roundup you expect: quotidian tales of ordinary goings-on, with irritating commentary that attempts to make those events moderately interesting. As with everything I typically attempt, it will no doubt fail spectacularly, leaving you wallowing in crippling disappointment, doubting the existence of goodness in this universe, and wondering why you were ever born.
Now that’s how you sell a blog post.