Evidence everybody hates me
Okay, so who writes 78% of the posts on this thing? Me, that’s who. (Trust me, I’ve done the math.) Long-winded Weekend Roundups with tons of photos, plus a couple of nice posts during the week? That’s all Price, baby. So I’m looking at the stats for thekchorns.com, looking at the search terms that are bringing people here. And what are the top search terms bringing people to this site?
Two search terms that take visitors to posts written by the slackers Shannon and Steven. So apparently not only do my own children want to avoid me, so does the entire Internet.
Evidence my family hates me
First, some background information. The other night we watched the classic 1952 Looney Tunes short, “Feed the Kitty,” where a big bulldog adopts a little kitty cat and hilarity ensues. Also, I am super-highly-allergic to cats. With that in mind, enjoy this brief, disquieting conversation that Shannon and Maya had in the car the other day.
Shannon: What do you want Nana [Shannon’s mom] to get you for Christmas?
Maya: A tiny little kitty cat.
Shannon: I don’t think we can get a tiny little kitty cat.
Maya: But I really want a tiny kitty cat!
Shannon: We can’t get a kitty cat because they make daddy very sick.
Maya: When we get a new house and daddy doesn’t live with us anymore, then can we get a tiny kitty cat?
Shannon: (quickly changes the subject before it gets even more disturbing)
There you have it: in the mind of my own daughter, I am outranked by a cartoon cat from the middle of the last century.
Oh, and she’d really like a new house, as long as I’m not in it.
Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Weekend Roundup to me
I know what you’re thinking. You kept checking the site this past week, day after day, only to find no updates since the last Weekend Roundup. On the outside, you’re quietly disappointed, but deep down, in your heart of hearts, you’re seething. “Gee whiz, Price,” you’re thinking, “Would it have killed you to take five lousy minutes to post something? Anything?” And you know what I say to that? I say you’re awfully judgmental for someone who says “gee whiz.” But nonetheless, you’re right: I have let the site slide a little this week. I didn’t post a single solitary thing, but I have a good excuse, and as it turns out, it’s the same excuse I heard from every girl in college who refused to return my calls: “Umm, I was busy?” And I say say to you the same thing I said to them: “Please, baby, don’t go, I can change! I’ll do better next time, I swear!” Wow. It sounds even more pathetic now than it did back then. And if you’re anything like them, I imagine the expression on your face is equal parts pity and revulsion. Well, turned that disgusted frown upside-down, because it’s time for a new Weekend Roundup. On with it!
All the federales say, they could have had the Weekend Roundup any day
They only let it slip away… out of kindness, I suppose. Mark it on your calendars, people: November 18, 2007 marked the first Willie Nelson reference in the history of The Kansas City Horns. If my irrational–and heretofore secret–love for “Always on My Mind” has anything to say about it, it won’t be the last. Anyway, it’s late Sunday night, and I am haggard and worn after a weekend that was chock-a-block with activities that ranged from enjoyable to frustratingly futile. Basically, it was a typical weekend in the Horn household, and I have taken it upon myself to document every aimless minute for you–yes, you! Sit up straight and pay attention. Let’s do this thing.
Price’s long-lost twin brother?
Okay, this is freaking me out just a little bit. Our friend HeyJules somehow came across the website for Tim Stevens, a church pastor from Indiana. Take a look, and see if it doesn’t send a shiver or two up your spine.
Just so there’s no confusion: that’s not me. That’s Tim Stevens. The guy could be my twin brother. Should I be amazed, or frightened, that in the infinitely random dice-throws of the DNA shuffle, this unlucky number came up twice? I don’t know that I want to live in a world where there are two of me.
Bizarro Price’s Tim’s website is http://www.leadingsmart.com/leadingsmart/.
The Very Ugly Turtle
Once upon a weird lake, there was a very ugly turtle. He thought when he grew up he would be a big handsome tortoise. But he grew up to be a very ugly tortoise. Then 7 monthes later, he met a beaver. ” Your shell stinks like a mechanical doornob!” said the beaver. The tortoise’s feelings were hurt, so he transformed into a monster close to the cheeseyness of godzilla. Then he died of heart burn. Some say his ghost still haunts the lake. Others say he went heaven and got rejected for his uglyness and got sent back to earth and then haunted the lake. Me, I say its just a myth. But, you never know. If you smell like a mechanical doornob, anything is possible.
I wrote that story for the funnyness. Thank you and goodnight!
More Pokemon Cheats (Diamond, Pearl, and Emerald, Ruby, and Sapphire)
I’ve got more cheats now, so listen up.
The following pokemon have to learn ancient power to evolve:
Yanma-Yanmega
Pilowswine-Mamoswine
Tangela-Tangrowth
These pokemon evolve leveling up at a certain time of day while holding certain items.
Sneasl+Razor Claw+night=Weavile
Gligar+Razor Fang+night=Gliscor
Happiny+Oval Stone+daytime=Chansey
Now those were Sinnoh region cheats. This is Hoenn cheats.
To get Groudon and Kyogre you must ask the weather man. First, he will say there is a drought. Then he will say there is a flood.
Rayquaza is at sky pillar.
If you get Latios or Latias on your pokedex, check their area to find out were they are. But they move from time to time.
Weekend Roundups are for suckers
Okay, I’m gonna level with you. I am exhausted and cranky and obsequious and purple and clairvoyant. Well, possibly two of those things. Three, tops. It was one of those long weekends where, as it finally winds down, you find yourself pining for the comfort of an office chair, nestled comfortably in a beige cubicle in a nondescript office building. “Wow,” you think, “work sounds really awesome right now.” Basically what I’m saying is this weekend wore me out and I don’t really feel like writing this thing up this week. But it’s already a day late (for reasons that will be obvious in a moment), and I can’t let all our fans down. So, far all six of you, here’s… this thing. Enjoy it, I guess. Or if you hate it, I suppose, just keep it to yourself. Frankly, I’m not in the mood to argue with you.
A life lived well
Our friend Shan lost her 94-year-old grandmother this week. Shan took the time to write a moving tribute to her grandmother, who was by all accounts a beautiful woman who lived life fearlessly and joyfully. Read it here.
Go West, Young Steven
Presenting… highlights from “Go West,” the 4th-grade musical program at Steven’s school. (Highlights are defined as the moments prominently featuring Steven, of course.) Apologies for my shaky camera work; you’d think there was a minor earthquake going on during this thing, but no, it’s just my incompetence. Or possibly old age. Anyway, enjoy!