My daughter: artist, Nintendo fan, Rickroller

I looked at Maya’s picture of Nintendo’s Luigi, drawn in the style of a cartoon dog, and totally got rickrolled.

no word on whether LuigiDog will turn around and desert you

I asked her where she learned those lyrics, and she basically retorted: “You, all right? I learned it by watching you!

Steven Horn IS Harry S Truman

Steven’s individual performance from the Greater Kansas City National History Day competition at the Harry S Truman Presidential Library.

Maya not looking forward to high school

I think it’s safe to say that Maya is not a fan of the American secondary education system. To wit: a little book project she pieced together for her first-grade class.

what, no blurbs from the new york times?

Our protagonist happily skips to her first day of high school, blissfully unaware of the horrors that await.

reality is about to wipe that smile off her face

High school is a bitter morass of pink dresses and angry eyebrows.

she cannot lift the backpack because it is full of homework (her art is full of subtlety)

You’re required to solve equations so infernally complicated you need special glasses.

10+1000?! that way lies madness

Of course, it’s not all bad: sometimes you get to leave.

I don’t have the heart to tell her about seating charts

And after all your middle-school chums abandon you…

and then skip school and run around in a field

The optimism is painfully short-lived. Chapter 2 returns us to the bleak land of treasonous compatriots who just can’t keep their precious mouths shut.

a multi-chapter opus

High school hallways are packed with belligerent punks and adolescent schadenfreude.

with hair and teeth like that, you’re pretty much locked into “bully” status

Finally, an authority figure stands up to the madness!

principal picasso is NOT happy

And so our tale ends with the headmistress giving the ruffian a stern talking-to before releasing him back into the wild, where he’ll just beat up more kids. And so the wheel turns, forever and ever and ever.

THE END

… 

To be fair, it’s a pretty accurate portrayal… it squares with my high school memories, anyway.

All I want for Christmas is a diminutive robotic steed

It’s that time of the year… time for the kids to start badgering Saint Nick for goodies. Yes, it’s still sunny and 75 degrees outside, but why wait ’til the last minute? Anyway, Maya is very specific about her Christmas wishes:

P.P.S. and snap to it, for pete’s sake

Dear Santa,

I want a stuffed pony that’s mechanical and has a off & on butten. And it has to be an baby.

Love,

Maya

P.S. It’s has to [be] beautiful.

And don’t go for the cheap mechanical stuffed pony, either, Santa, because she’ll know.

Back in business!

Hello all my adoring fans! Remember how I started a bunch of walkthroughs for games and other crap? Well I’m actually going to post some more now! Yaaaaaaayyyyyyy! I’ll be posting secrets, cheats, reviews, and the occasional discovery in a game. So get ready, cuz’ Steven’s back in business.

You, too, can view the Zoo Crew

Alas, Maya’s days of preschool are ending, and as the school prepares to send the kiddies off to kindergarten, they decided to go out with a bang by letting the kids get close to dangerous wild animals. That’s right… a trip to the zoo. Dozens of five-year-olds running amok, their parents chasing deperately after them, the atmosphere redolent with the pungent odors of musk and feces. Let’s take a little photographic trip through the day, shall we?

before the madness

yay! our parents are spending money on us!

not pictured: jack, kate, hurley, and sawyer

an okapi, I think? maybe? they start to run together after a while

the murder in his eyes is palpable

stop staring! I’m 300 years old and I’m not in the mood

this was just before the big musical number with the warthog

where’s that meerkat again? god, I am so hungry

a study in contrasts

a hippo real

a hippo not so real

young man, have my daughter home at a reasonable hour on that rhino of yours

mom! cut it out! the humans are totally watching!

no, I don’t want to ride this one!

okay, that’s better

those popsicles cost 17 dollars apiece

the human has brought us food! ATTTTAAAAACCCCKKKK!

a sea lion real

a sea lion not-so-real but more expensive and useless

Bianco Hills: Overview

At the foot of Corona Mountain, this humble village is well known for its Large Windmill in the center of its lake. One finds him/herself utterly at peace when intruduced to this town….. until Shadow Mario arrives! He covers the area with goop and places a nasty piranha plant on top of the Big Windmill. He must be stopped!

Super Mario Sunshine!

I’ve decided to create a level guide for Super Mario Sunshine, so those who are having trouble may want to listen up. Note: some of the hard ones to explain I will put on video. I haven’t beat all the levels, but every time I beat a new one I’ll add it to here.

Bianco Hills Contents:

-Bianco Hills Overview

-The Road to the Big Windmill

-Down with Petey Piranha

-The Hillside Cave Secret

- Red Coins of the Windmill Village

-Petey Pirahna Strikes Back

Area girl no fan of retail

“I hate new buildings because they always be stores!”

-Maya, 1/19/09

Area girl to remain single forever

“I’m never gonna get married because I want to be somebody!”

-Maya, 01/04/09

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